All's Fair in Love & Prank Wars
by Eevachu
Summary: Holtz and Abby are at war - PRANK war. Holtz enlists her brilliant girlfriend aka Abby's best friend aka Erin Gilbert to help her. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that, right? Happy Holtzbert Week y'all!


Holtz and Abby are at war - PRANK war. Holtz enlists her brilliant girlfriend aka Abby's best friend aka Erin Gilbert to help her. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that, right?

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HEEEEERE!

Welcome to Holtzbert Week, wherein I hope we get us some good good holtzbert content. Thank you all for the great response so far! I love you all and this fandom. Also, have you bought your copy of Ghostbusters 101? You should.

Anyways, this accidentally turned smutty. Be kind to me, I normally draw the smut, I've never had to write it. lol

 **Full illustrated version on AO3 or my website.**

* * *

Erin seethed.

"I'm sorry?" Holtz tries.

"It's... _fine_ ," Erin replies through gritted teeth as she unloads another proton pack from the back of the Ecto 1.5.

"I didn't mean to use you as a human slime shield, honest!"

"It's fine Holtz," Erin relents. She's not really that mad.

Holtz is right behind her when she turns around to grab the last pack. She takes both of Erin's hands and lifts them to kiss the back of each of them. Erin softens a bit.

"Next time you're about to get slimed, I'll make sure to gallantly throw my tiny frail body between it and you," She kisses Erin softly, but pulls away suddenly, gagging.

"Oh god, that stuff tastes awful," Holtz runs a hand over her tongue.

Erin flushes and storms off to shower.

Holtz watches her go and sighs, "Holtzy gonna regret that."

* * *

Abby and Patty stare as Erin sits down at her desk.

"What?" Erin spits venomously.

"Oh. Um. It's that's you usually hang out in Holtz' lab now," Abby shoots her a look.

Erin flips her book open with more force than is strictly necessary, "I don't particularly feel like working with the person who used me as a slime shield today."

Patty looks at Abby, "Ooh Abby, idea! Erin will work better than me for that April Fool's prank you had planned for tomorrow. And she has vengeance in her heart now."

"Prank?" Erin knits her brow in confusion.

Abby smiles devilishly, "Have you ever considered a career in espionage?"

Erin quirks a brow, "Um… no?"

"Well, consider it, because I need to beat Holtz at this prank thing once and for all, but I need to know what she's planning, just in case," Abby says.

"And why would she tell me over you?" Erin scoffs.

Abby raises an eyebrow and Erin blushes.

"Okay, fine. Yes, I suppose I have... Leverage," Erin coughs.

Abby and Patty snicker.

* * *

"Abby!"

She hears giggling from downstairs.

"Abigail Yates! When did you have time to string all of my wrenches from the ceiling?" Holtz screeches as she squeaks down the fireman's pole.

Abby snickers and points to Patty, "I had help."

"No fair! No team ups," Holtz crosses her arms and pouts.

"Not a rule. You're just butt-hurt because we got you," she high fives Patty.

"Fine!" Holtz turns suddenly to Erin, "Erin, would you like to assist me in April Fool's Day revenge?"

Erin and Abby exchange a look she can't read.

"What's in it for me?"

"My undying love and devotion," she purrs and offers her a hand up.

Erin goes beet red and takes it.

The pair miss the exasperated look Abby and Patty give them.

"So what's the plan?" Erin leans against one of the many work tables that litter the second floor lab, trying to look nonchalant.

"This," Holtz presses Erin up against the table and kisses her hard.

"I thought you called me up here to work on a prank," Erin manages between kisses.

"I did, but also to... _apologize_ ," the last words drips with insinuation as Holtz lifts Erin up onto the table behind her. She steps in between Erin's already parted legs and presses herself flush against her.

"So," drawls Holtz, "do you accept my apology?"

"Forgiven," Erin sputters.

 _'But not forgotten,'_ is what she doesn't mention.

"Then let me apologize," she murmurs as she slips Erin's underwear off in one swift motion down her legs. As she ducks her head under Erin's skirt, she adds, " _profusely_."

* * *

Holtz lays her head on Erin's stomach as she eases her back down. She gets right back to business, "Okay, basically I need you to keep Abby by the garbage in the kitchen. I'm gonna put something in her soup that should make her want to throw it out and then I have slime that's gonna pipe in on her."

Erin manages to prop herself up on one elbow and peer down at Holtz. It takes her a moment to register that Holtz has even said anything, but when she does, all she latches onto is one word: slime.

Erin smiles, "let's do it."

Oh, this was going to be a good April Fool's Day for her.

Everyone is tense on April Fool's Day.

* * *

Patty keeps a 30 foot radius from all of them.

"This is ridiculous, I'm going to get lunch away from you idiots," she says like this isn't part of the plan. She returns, only to be accosted by Holtz at the door.

Holtz has a conspicuously normal container in her hands. It's that disarmingly normal kind of container: white, nondescript and full of secrets and probably MSG.

Patty makes the switch. "You science people are whacko and I am eating on the roof."

Holtz gives her a salute and chucks the soup into the garbage by the door.

"Food's here," Patty drops their portions on the kitchen table and books it upstairs with hers. Nobody seems to notice.

Holtz hands Erin her curry beef and grabs her own lemon chicken and 5 egg rolls.

"Thanks," Erin slings an arm around her and is guiding her back upstairs when suddenly:

"Holtz!"

They both spin around to see Abby pulling a dirty wrench out of her soup container.

"Oh. Did I throw a _wrench_ in your plans?" Holtz chimes as she discreetly pulls a remote out of her pocket.

"Abby, don't eat that, she found that wrench in the dumpster. Throw it out," chuckles Erin.

Abby dramatically throws out her soup in the kitchen trash.

Holtz doesn't notice Erin's arm slip from around her shoulders. She presses a button on the remote and suddenly her vision is green.

She can hear Abby and Erin cackle as she looks up at the ceiling. There's a pipe there, the one she had set up above the trash, but as she follows the line, she notices holes along its track and tape over the Abby-intended spout. Her precision fire had been sabotaged with a barrage.

Abby smirks, "Bros before ho-"

"-ltzmann," giggles Erin, who has come to stand by Abby.

They bump fists.

Holtz stomps her feet petulantly and growls, "I AM BOTH VERY ANGRY AT AND VERY PROUD OF THE TWO OF YOU!"

"Good thing Erin was so mad about the slime thing that I could turn her and get her to tell me your plan," Abby elbows Erin's arm softly.

Holtz crosses her arms and pouts, "Well if you two are so close, why aren't _you_ dating?"

"Oh no, we tried dating in college," Erin says with a smirk.

Holtz baulks.

Abby points to Erin with her thumb, "She's too neurotic."

"She's too stubborn," Erin mimics the gesture back at Abby.

Abby continues, "It was too weird. Plus, bean pole isn't my type, she's so _boney_."

Erin rolls her eyes and shoves her, "Oh whatever you beautiful squash. You turned me off women for a decade."

"RUDE!" Abby punches her lightly on the arm.

Holtz is slack jawed, a sound leaking from her like a whistling tea kettle. Suddenly, she sits down on the floor and screams, "I NEED DETAILS!"

"No," Abby and Erin say in unison.

Holtz looks up at them, "This isn't part of the prank is it?"

"Holtz, we wouldn't do that," Abby assures her.

"Right. Right..." Holtz looks down at the remote still in her hands.

Erin crouches down by her girlfriend, "You okay?"

"I think Abby won the prank war," poor Holtz looks so dejected as she voices this realization.

"Not yet," Erin whispers to Holtz as she presses the button on the remote.

Suddenly, slime falls from the ceiling and onto Abby who can only stand there dumbfounded.

"HA! Triple agent! That's for trying to turn me against my girlfriend," shouts Erin as she points at both of them and dashes backwards out of the room.

Holtz stares at her retreating figure with an expression of pure delight, "I'm going to marry that woman one day and we're going have 3 cats, 2 kids and nerf gun shootouts to decide who does chores."

She misses Abby rolling her eyes.

Holtz glances at Abby and waggles her eyebrows suggestively, "She's still gonna pay for that later, though."

"Gross, just don't do it in the lab," Abby gags at the thought.

"Too late!" Singsongs Holtz.

Abby flings a glob of slime at her.

* * *

I wonder what my work would say if they found out I write saucy fanfiction about a movie we worked on? (Before you get hype, I worked on the 3D version you pay extra for; it's the dreadfully dull part of the film industry. I did get to watch Ghostbusters early and have Kate's beautiful face on my screen all day tho.)

Remember, if you're submitting things for Hotlzbert Week, please send me links so I can reblog them, add them to the deviantART group and add them to the AO3 collection!


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